My 16-year-old wrote a nice blog post yesterday about passing our "one-month" mark here, and being so happy about living in Jerusalem. Mine looks a little different.
One month in... and I'm tired. Very tired. I do recognize blessings. I try to stay positive. But I'm also just tired. Tired of counting the cost of 5 bus tickets every time we think about going anywhere. Tired of communal dining -- of that feeling of walking into a large room and thinking, "Does anyone even like me enough to want to converse with me?" Tired of eating food I'm not familiar with, and of missing the food I love.
I'm physically tired. My huge belly and aches and pains are making it impossible to sleep the night through. And now my 2-year-old is also refusing to nap. Today I finally got her up, and thought, "I'm brilliant! I'll put a video on for her and lie down next to her on my bed. She'll be happy and I'll get to close my eyes." Ha ha. She doesn't like me to take off my glasses, and she doesn't want me to close my eyes. So I still didn't get to take a nap.
I'm tired of being the odd one out. Every other resident here is either part of a group that has defined purpose and scheduled classes & outings; or has lived here longer than I. And no one else has so many kids or homeschools. I feel like I walk around with a letter on my forehead, marking me as DIFFERENT.
I'm tired of feeling like my family is disintegrating before my very eyes. Of the big kids complaining about caring for Miriam, instead of having fun with her like they used to. Of it being a struggle to have fun together as a family because we have fewer options for what to do, and I'm more tired, and the kids have their friends. Of not being able to find each other when we're scattered around campus.
One month down, eight to go. Eight which will include winter months that are darker and colder, all while I have a newborn. I'd like to hope things will get better, but I have the feeling they'll get worse before then.
One month in... and I'm tired. Very tired. I do recognize blessings. I try to stay positive. But I'm also just tired. Tired of counting the cost of 5 bus tickets every time we think about going anywhere. Tired of communal dining -- of that feeling of walking into a large room and thinking, "Does anyone even like me enough to want to converse with me?" Tired of eating food I'm not familiar with, and of missing the food I love.
I'm physically tired. My huge belly and aches and pains are making it impossible to sleep the night through. And now my 2-year-old is also refusing to nap. Today I finally got her up, and thought, "I'm brilliant! I'll put a video on for her and lie down next to her on my bed. She'll be happy and I'll get to close my eyes." Ha ha. She doesn't like me to take off my glasses, and she doesn't want me to close my eyes. So I still didn't get to take a nap.
I'm tired of being the odd one out. Every other resident here is either part of a group that has defined purpose and scheduled classes & outings; or has lived here longer than I. And no one else has so many kids or homeschools. I feel like I walk around with a letter on my forehead, marking me as DIFFERENT.
I'm tired of feeling like my family is disintegrating before my very eyes. Of the big kids complaining about caring for Miriam, instead of having fun with her like they used to. Of it being a struggle to have fun together as a family because we have fewer options for what to do, and I'm more tired, and the kids have their friends. Of not being able to find each other when we're scattered around campus.
One month down, eight to go. Eight which will include winter months that are darker and colder, all while I have a newborn. I'd like to hope things will get better, but I have the feeling they'll get worse before then.
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