What I Miss -- a guest post from Ethan

We're just days away from the halfway point of our time in Israel/Palestine. I asked Ethan what he misses (since he's the one who mentions missing home the most) and he wrote a long list. I'm grouping his items a bit more than he did....

In general, Ethan misses (in his own words):

• Being nearer to family
• Libraries
• Unlimited free refills of soda
• Having a car
• Friends
• Going to the creek
• Recognizing places as we drive about
• Lazy mornings where I can wake up at 10:00 and eat breakfast then
• Our church Truro
• D.C.
• Snow
• Being with family during the holidays
• Food: smoothies, Krispy Kreme donuts, pizza, caramel frappuccinos, Costco samples, hamburgers
• Cereal, waffles, pancakes, and coffeecake for breakfast
• Our homeschool organization IBCHE
• Cherry blossoms
• Having a larger variety of clothes to wear
• Eating in our dining room as a family
• More toys
• Being more naive about the conflicts of this world. (Though people need to be more aware about the injustice and suffering happening in Israel and everywhere.)
• Doing more stuff as a family
• Camping
• Having people visit our house

About our home in particular:

• Having a 2-story house
• Having 2 bathrooms
• A larger kitchen
• Our trampoline
• Large carpeted areas
• More windows
• Our sunny kitchen with butterflies fluttering outside the window
• More sitting space
• Much more counter space
• Vents in our rooms which let in warm air
• Our Wii machine
• Our TV

There are a few things I didn't include (he listed 60!!), but I think you get the gist. A theme I noticed, especially when I probed a bit by asking him questions, was he misses familiarity and he misses a sense of home. I wonder if he'll still say the same things when we leave 4 1/2 months from now.

Glimmers

This has been an extremely difficult season of homeschooling for the kids and me. It's been difficult to be away from our fellow homeschooling friends and the support we found at co-op and support group. It's been challenging to balance caring for two little ones with a high school work load, not to mention finding a balance between traditional school work and 'study abroad' elements. I've been frustrated with wanting to learn as much as we can about this region during this precious period of time, but feeling like I have to come up with all the plans from scratch. I'm not doing a very good job by any means. Even just today, I was at my wits' end, strongly considering putting the kids in public school when we return to the States.

Despite all our frustrations and challenges, almost every day, I catch a glimmer of excitement or joy that helps motivate me to keep on -- or at least not despair that this whole venture's been a complete mistake. Sometimes the glimmer is of something the kids are learning. Sometimes it's a relationship. Other times, a discovery. In the past week, it's been all of the above.

Ethan came to me one morning this week, thrilled with a pattern he'd begun noticing while trying to go to sleep the previous night. He'd been thinking about the number 7 and how to write multiples of 7 in base 3. He'd noticed that every time he wrote a 7 multiple in base 3, the resulting number (when viewed in base 10) was also a multiple of 7. For example, 7 itself is written "21" in base 3 and 21 is a multiple of 7. The number 14 is written as "112" and 112 is a multiple of 7. He spent hours that morning continuing to compute and show that the pattern didn't stop. Needless to say, I let that be his 'math time' for homeschooling that day. Later, Josiah also came to me, having noticed that this pattern worked with multiples of any number n as long as the base you changed it to was 10-n.

This was a huge bright spot for me -- much more than a glimmer! I love that my kids not only can work with numbers and understand math, but that they have time and freedom to think creatively about numbers and explore patterns.

Another more-than-glimmer is seeing Naomi's increasing passion for learning Arabic. At various points of time in the past, I've had the kids dabble in Arabic, first with Rosetta Stone and then with c.d.'s from the library. But it wasn't until moving here 4 months ago that I said, "Keep up with Spanish, yes, but please also pick either Hebrew or Arabic to work on in addition." They all picked Arabic and began using Mango online to work on oral Levantine Arabic. About two months ago, Naomi's interest in written Arabic was piqued. She found a book on how to write the letters in their various positions, and has been working on her own on it for hours and hours. When we went on a recent road trip, she delighted in interpreting the Arabic writing she'd see -- and I would delight in her delight!

She's also inspired Josiah to take up written Arabic and he's finding a similar excitement in spotting letters he knows. The other day he and I were in Bethlehem together, where the cars have Palestinian license plates (instead of Israeli). He pointed out to me that under the English letter "P" (for Palestine) on each plate, there was the Arabic letter that makes the /f/ sound. He knew this was because the Arabic word for Palestine is Filastin.

Maybe my kids would have learned more Arabic had they been put in a private school this year. But I'm not sure they would have had the same joy in learning. And if they'd been in school, we'd have missed out on my third glimmer -- relationship.

All three big kids have gained tremendous ability in relating to little kids, given the time they spend with Selah and Miriam. They now have babysitting skills they never had before, and can face tough situations that used to make them gag. But the sweetest aspect of their spending time with their younger sisters is the relationships they have and the joy they bring each other. When Ethan plays with Miriam by tossing balls into a laundry basket, doing "ring around the rosie" or "duck, duck, goose," or playing hide-and-seek, and I hear Miriam's exuberant giggles, my heart overflows. When Josiah holds Selah for only a couple minutes and she completely relaxes and falls asleep against his chest, I treasure the sight. When Naomi ramps up the music and dances around with Miriam and Selah, bringing smiles to all their faces, I smile too.

These are the moments that make homeschooling worthwhile. The minutes of laughter and delight, the sweet hugs and energetic play, the knowledge that even though there's a huge gap in the ages of my kids, they know each other and will have memories of the time they spent together.

I don't know if I'll continue to teach next year. I don't know if I'll homeschool Miriam and Selah when they get to be school age. But for now, even on the days like today, when tears were shed and harsh words were spoken and I completely felt like giving up, it's good to remember the beautiful precious glimmers of joy. They give us light for the journey.

4 Months in Israel/Palestine

Four months ago, almost to the hour, we were arriving at Tantur's grounds in a shared airport shuttle. It was the first time my older three had lived overseas in 7 years, and Miriam's first time ever. It's hard to believe we're just days shy of being halfway through our time in the Jerusalem area. I've struggled a lot in these four months. There have been times of tears and despair and more than one family fight. But there have also been times of such beauty, growth and connection. I'd like to try to remember some of the highlights...

Beauty:

• Tantur's grounds  -- The sound of wind blowing in the tall pine trees, the tinkle of the garden's fountain, citrus trees and olive trees, roses and hibiscus, olive trees, sunsets
• Worship with others -- praying and singing in a Taize service, prayers and songs in both English and Arabic in various churches
• The wonder of seeing Selah Marie for the first time, such a gorgeous and precious baby, my last.
• Invigorating views of the Mediterranean Sea at Caesarea, the Dead Sea from Herodium, green hills near Megiddo and the Carmel range, and craggy hills in the Jerusalem area.
• Amazing ancient architecture and ruins, from the walls of Jerusalem to the Crusader city of Akko

Growth:

• Miriam continuing to speak better, including 'reading' us stories and copying adult phrases like "Here you go" and "Oh, okay!"
• Miriam learning how to use the potty
• Josiah and Naomi embracing the prospect of learning Arabic
• Ethan's continuing fascination with math
• Selah crying less and smiling more
• The kids and I learning about modern Palestinian history and reading many books that help us begin to understand the Nakba and the conflict.

Connection:

• Beginning of friendships, especially with some neighbor families who also have kids, and with Steve's office mate.
• Numerous visitors and short-term residents here, including Catholic priests and neighbors' relatives, who have been encouraging and interesting to talk with.
• Good friends for the kids -- Miriam has 5 neighbor children close to her age who she loves to play with, and the big kids have a few friends too!
• Many encounters with folks who care deeply about the plight of Palestinians, from a pastor/doctor couple who visit Gaza to a Notre Dame grad student interning at an NGO to a pastor who regularly preaches about justice.

Sweet Visitors

This morning was rough. "I don't know how I can go on homeschooling" kind of rough. "I'm never eating breakfast or lunch in the dining hall again" kind of rough. And then God breathed fresh air into me.

It's a Monday, and instead of Selah sleeping til 5, she woke me up to nurse her at 4. Then Miriam, instead of sleeping til 8, awoke closer to 7. And before I'd even gotten my coffee at breakfast, the potty-training 2-year-old had wet her pants.

We'd been having great success with potty-training these past 2 weeks, so when my sweet 2-year-old went through 6 pairs of panties just this one morning, I was taken aback and not quite prepared for the level of attention she needed. It's not so much that I can't handle wet pants after wet pants, or puddles of pee, or stinky soiled panties. It's more that my newborn is also very needy, not sleeping unless I'm nursing her or a sibling has walked her and continues to hold her. So every time my toddler needed me, I had to hand off the baby before I could address the potty issues. This meant Selah's "naps" were constantly interrupted and she wasn't terribly happy about that.

Meanwhile my big kids were trying to get back to full school days after our Christmas break, and they needed attention. They had questions to ask and discoveries to share, and I hadn't even figured out everything I expect of them this week. I was feeling like I just can't handle all that's on my plate. And then my husband got home from an important errand with a result that was very frustrating. We'd somehow (for the millionth time) seemed to misunderstand each other as to what was supposed to happen on that errand, and his news upon coming home pushed me right to the edge.

Getting the baby and the toddler out of the house to go to the dining hall for lunch was the final straw. The bare-legged toddler didn't want to put her pants back on to leave the house, and I had my hands full of baby so couldn't attend to her like I wanted. The big kids were struggling with her. We managed to eventually convince her, but as I angrily stomped out of our apartment, into the bracing cold, I thought, "I am never doing this again! Why should I have to go somewhere else for breakfast and lunch when it's so hard to get everyone out of the house and meals take so much longer?" Walking into the dining hall and seeing big tables filling up quickly and my big kids standing around with plates full of food anxiously awaiting my cue as to where we were going to sit just pushed me over the edge.

I saw one person I knew I'd enjoy eating with, a visitor I just met last week, and reserved 2 seats next to her, one for Miriam and one for me. The rest of my kids had to go sit somewhere else because the table quickly filled, mostly with people visiting Tantur for a 2-week course. Thankfully another visitor I enjoy sat next to me as well, this one the mother of one of our staff and the traveling buddy of the other. Because both ladies are sweet and sensitive, I felt I could be honest when they asked how I was doing and I even started crying. One of them had also homeschooled and been married to a PhD student while parenting four kids (and she's named Miriam!) so seemed especially empathetic. I appreciated her concern and willingness to pray for me. The other visitor is particularly good at conversation and had me laughing before the end of lunch, a much-needed relief. Also, both of these ladies -- not today, but almost every other day they've been here -- have held Selah at meals, which has both helped me and encouraged me.

It's still a tough day, but now I feel strengthened for the tasks. I've been heard. I've been touched, if ever so briefly on the shoulder. I've been looked in the eye by others who have walked this road too. I've heard them cheer on my toddler, even as she eats messily, and sweetly say goodbye to her when lunch is over. I wish these two could stay. I'm thankful for their time here.

Blessing in Disguise

Knock knock. We heard a gentle tap on our door at 10 PM yesterday and opened the door to see our neighbor. She was hoping we could maybe watch her 2-year-old all day today so that she could go on a day trip with her friends visiting from the US. We said, "Sure!" Despite the extra work it would mean, and despite having prior plans, I knew we'd also enjoy having Miriam's buddy join in our Friday fun.

My goal was to use the Israeli buses to find a recommended park 30 minutes away called Gazelle Valley. I'd looked up information about it and had mapped it out on Google Maps. I'd noted how many hard right turns the bus would make and at what bus stop we should exit (by counting after the turns). The big kids and I packed a backpack that included spare clothes for the two potty-training 2-year-olds and Selah, loaded up my neighbor's deluxe double stroller we were borrowing, and the seven of us set out.

It was a beautiful sunny winter day and I was thrilled to get out of the house. I looked forward to seeing a new place and exploring a haven of nature in the middle of the city. Alas, I made mistakes and we did not make it to our intended destination. BUT! We did find an amazing playground. It was tall and expansive. It had multiple tunnel slides that provided extra challenges for my boys who love climbing, and smaller slides and ladders that were just right for the 2-year-olds. I've had lots of experience with playgrounds and have never found one quite as good as this one for entertaining such an age spectrum. The big kids walked up the outsides of slides, hung on the outsides of barred platforms, and sat "chilling" on tunnels. Miriam and her pal ran, climbed, squealed, and slid. They experimented with swinging and teeter-tottering, and Miriam conquered her fear of tunnels, crawling through them with ease by the end.

We played for close to an hour and made it back to the bus stop just in time to catch a return bus within the 90 minute time frame that allowed us to not pay again. It was a different bus number than we'd used to get there, and we only had 2 minutes to spare, but we made it home successfully and with each toddler only having cried once -- and no potty accidents! My big kids asked if I was frustrated that we hadn't made it to Gazelle Valley. "Nope!" I could truthfully answer. I know we'll make it there someday. But today, our mistake ended up being a blessing in disguise.

Hands are Full

Ethan's recently re-discovered this blog of mine, and has gone back to the beginning days to start reading. It just so happens that my first blog posts were written during the first months of Ethan's life. I've only glanced through a few, but it's fun to see what I recorded about life with 2 preschoolers and an infant. There were many sweet moments, though difficult ones as well, and they'd be lost if I hadn't written them down.

Twelve years later, here I am again, with a preschooler and a baby, and there are so many things I want to record to remember later about our current ups and downs, and these fleeting precious days. But I find it hard to even have two hands to type on a computer, for Selah requires nursing and being held almost constantly. And when I have time without her in my arms, I'm almost always either helping Miriam in some way or trying to keep up with the house and homeschooling. Or I'm in bed -- reading!!

I'd like to make more of a habit, though, of chronicling these days. I was inspired by an article (that I skim-read quite briefly) that encouraged people to create 'rituals' in order to begin and keep new habits -- setting aside a concrete amount of time that will be held as a priority, whether one likes it or not, for a prescribed purpose. I thought of writing as something I'd like to begin to do daily, even just for a 10-minute time period, and exercise is another ritual I need to get back to.

For today's memory that I'd love to treasure always: there is a priest here on sabbatical named David and he's eaten quite a few breakfasts in the dining hall with us recently. He's always sweet to Miriam and enjoys talking to Selah as well. He admitted a few days ago that, while he likes children, he doesn't feel capable of caring for them or holding them. This morning, however, when I asked who could hold Selah while I got my coffee, he volunteered! And then he held her for about 10 minutes, during which time, she was content and cuddly. Seeing him enjoy her sweet baby self brought joy to my heart, and I want to treasure that memory. Hopefully it won't be his last time holding her...