Twenty-one years ago, Steve and I started our marriage full of hope and expectation. We had no idea what would come, but we had dreams, some only whispered, others acted upon. The thing is, I never envisioned it would take this long for Steve to finally finish his education. I never thought we'd go for so many years without income or live in so many foreign countries as Steve pursued two Master's degrees and a doctorate.
But here we are.
Despite Steve finishing his PhD in August 2020 and beginning a new job in November, he is out of work now and we are back in a holding pattern, unsure of our direction or next steps. He has his education, his knowledge, and his idea of what he wants to do for a career, namely teach college courses. Those jobs aren't knocking at our door, though. And I? I've had my hands more than full, trying to graduate my two oldest homeschoolers, teach my 8th grader, and teach/parent/corral my two preschoolers. But I feel like there is something more. Something missing that's a deep part of who I am.
We stand on the edge of a precipice.
Will we spend another decade of our marriage waiting for "our real life" to begin? Will we have to do more stop-gap work? Will we struggle to find any work at all? Or are we on the cusp of something new and beautiful? Are the puzzle pieces about to start fitting together? Every week, Steve applies to more jobs, more post-doc programs. Many of them are in the U.S.; some are overseas. Only a couple have seemed like really good fits for him. Only one has felt like a good fit for me.
I want to look over the edge of this cliff, to see what comes next.
But I'm afraid I'll fall.
