Tuesday, December 25, 2018

When I'm Gone...

How can I have birthed five such amazing children? I look at each of you and am filled with wonder. You are beautiful people, inside and out. And I also look at you and weep for how much I've hurt you and been a poor example for you. So when I'm gone please know that...

I loved you so much it hurts;

I'm sorry I struggled to find joy;

I wish I'd given you more opportunities;

Everyday I questioned myself, as a mom and as a person. I hope it's different for you;

Doubt is hard;

I'm sorry I couldn't seem to model good relationships for you. I sucked at marriage and wasn't much better at friendship;

I wish my ears hadn't been so sensitive. Sorry I complained so much about noise, and couldn't often have music going;

I didn't encourage you nearly enough. I'll forever regret that I didn't affirm you more;

As much as I struggled with life and joy, I was ever so grateful to be your mom. You are treasures beyond measure.

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