Wednesday, November 18, 2009


That word pretty much sums up my existence these days. My two biggest frustrations centre on Ethan and my lack of discipline.

Ethan still does not talk, yet is growing increasingly frustrated by his desire to communicate. I get so tired of hearing "Mama" repeated over and over again, often amidst tears, as he's unable to tell me what the actual problem is. I'm also stymied by his picky eating. He won't even try foods anymore. Tonight he just sniffed my stir-fry and said "Bleh" (his new-found word for all things yucky) He didn't touch it.

And then there's myself that I'm frustrated with! My lack of discipline with time, with food, and with money management. I struggle to get enough sleep, tending to stay up past the time I'm tired, and then when I've slept in, the whole day starts late and feels off-kilter. I struggle with over-eating ... eating for the wrong reasons, not stopping when I should, etc. And I haven't been good about keeping track of expenditures and really trying to stick to a budget.

There's a place near our new home that has at least one speech therapist available to the community and I'm planning to call her first thing, tomorrow. I'm really desperate to get help for Ethan because we're all starting to go crazy from his lack of speech!

Regarding myself, I don't know what to do. I have the feeling I need accountability, but beyond that, I'm not sure where to start. And I don't know who to be accountable to. How do I keep from hiding my true self? How do I get out of my state of denial? If you know me well and are a pray-er, I certainly would appreciate your prayers.


Jeanette said...

I'm so glad Lisa that there is a speech therapist nearby. Dad and I have been praying "seriously" for Ethan for months now. May the Lord open doors for Ethan to be able to speak!
Regarding discipline, I'm still learning at 65! I'm a professional procrastinator. I am glad to report that I've lost 6+ lbs. in the last two months, just watching portion sizes at meals and no snacking after supper! I thought it was impossible at this stage of my life to lose weight, but it's not, I'm glad to say!

ErinOrtlund said...

I think that's an excellent idea to take advantage of any help you can--see what the professionals say!

You know, as for the discipline issues, I would seek to improve but give yourself grace. All of those goals of yours are made much more difficult when you have kids to care for (and teach!), and you're tired. Maybe focus on a couple things and then go from there--like going to bed on time, not snacking after supper (is that your Mom who commented?), and thinking through possible ways to budget better. I find it hard to be systematic about budgeting, and easier just to really think about how I can spend less. Maybe some of those program like could help? I'll pray for you Lisa!

Jeanette said...

Right on, Erin! Yes, Lisa, give yourself grace.
I know how careful you are with money. I love you, and I'm praying for you (as always)!

Nicola said...

Aww, appreciate your honesty Lisa : )
As regards food... I think it's such an expression of issues for so many of us... and when you're tired, staying at home with the challenge of young children, it is so easy to eat more than one might think sensible (I find!). My journey on this issue is still very up and down, I tend to go to extreme habits. Times when I cut out sugar seems to help me manage it better (but can't say I stick to that and when I do eat sugar I want more!!). A site i've found encouraging:
Womankind is with you tho - whether it's under, over or obsessing about eating, it's such a big issue.
Whatever our size, shape, mastery of food or lack of, God has created us, loves us, accepts us and is so proud of his royal daughters. x

Anonymous said...

Hey Lisa!

Does Ethan like art? Drawing? Sculpture? Playing with mud? There are lots of other ways to communicate.

Been there, done that. Got the speech therapy.

Uncle David