Josiah's Beginnings

November 25

Six years ago, I was one week overdue and drove to the hospital, thinking I was just getting a routine check-up. Instead, I was told by my midwife that contractions were happening (unbeknownst to me!) and that we should go ahead and try to have this baby!

My parents had already cared for Naomi the previous 2 nights, so I called them, asking if she could stay at their house a bit longer. They brought her to say hi and goodbye to us one last time before our family enlarged. What a feeling of uncertainty and excitement we had, being on the cusp of such a change.

I remember feeling the self-assurance of being a second-time birthing mom. I thought I knew what was coming. I thought everything would go more smoothly and easily than the first time. Since Naomi's delivery had been fairly quick and un-traumatic, I had high hopes for my second labor and delivery.

I'd found 2 midwives working together in a hospital in Aurora, Illinois, who were willing to let me try a water-birth. I really liked the midwives, trusted them and respected them. The prospect of birthing in water was exciting to me! Little did I know what lay ahead.

My midwives told me later that they'd wondered if I had a large baby inside me. When they saw my body working so hard for this second baby (who was supposed to just pop out!), they were worried that a water-birth might not actually happen, and they moved the hospital bed to be adjacent to the pool.

Sure enough, my rascal second child got stuck on his way out. He had to be pushed and pulled, amidst high tension and slight panic. I had no idea what danger we were both in. I just knew it hurt and that this wasn't supposed to be happening! At 12:08 AM Josiah Steven was finally born and I'm forever grateful to my midwife, the nurses, and God for helping my sweet son come safely into the world that morning.

As the nurses busily rubbed and cleaned my baby, I heard someone call out "12-08" and I said, "That isn't his weight is it?"

"No, no," I heard. "That's the time he was born." Phew. I didn't think that could be right!

Then they weighed him and we all gasped. My little guy weighed 12 pounds, 10 ounces. We could hardly believe it. My midwife thought it likely that this broke my hospital's record for an unmedicated, non-surgical birth. No wonder he'd gotten stuck!

Josiah proved to be not only a sturdy tank of a kid, but also a great sleeper, a super eater, an entertaining friend to Naomi and a blessing to many. Six years later, I can still say the same! He is my 6-year-old ray of sunshine, continually thanking me for my cooking, making his siblings laugh with his antics, falling asleep quickly and waking up bright and cheerful. He has his rough edges, but I take comfort in knowing that God is very real to him. I pray that day by day, he becomes a more faithful disciple of Jesus, knowing God's love him more and more deeply.

Thank you, Lord, for the blessing of my son.

Frustrated

That word pretty much sums up my existence these days. My two biggest frustrations centre on Ethan and my lack of discipline.

Ethan still does not talk, yet is growing increasingly frustrated by his desire to communicate. I get so tired of hearing "Mama" repeated over and over again, often amidst tears, as he's unable to tell me what the actual problem is. I'm also stymied by his picky eating. He won't even try foods anymore. Tonight he just sniffed my stir-fry and said "Bleh" (his new-found word for all things yucky) He didn't touch it.

And then there's myself that I'm frustrated with! My lack of discipline with time, with food, and with money management. I struggle to get enough sleep, tending to stay up past the time I'm tired, and then when I've slept in, the whole day starts late and feels off-kilter. I struggle with over-eating ... eating for the wrong reasons, not stopping when I should, etc. And I haven't been good about keeping track of expenditures and really trying to stick to a budget.

There's a place near our new home that has at least one speech therapist available to the community and I'm planning to call her first thing, tomorrow. I'm really desperate to get help for Ethan because we're all starting to go crazy from his lack of speech!

Regarding myself, I don't know what to do. I have the feeling I need accountability, but beyond that, I'm not sure where to start. And I don't know who to be accountable to. How do I keep from hiding my true self? How do I get out of my state of denial? If you know me well and are a pray-er, I certainly would appreciate your prayers.

My Secret Love

Up until about three years ago, I hadn't ever listened to country western music. I'd heard it, of course, while line dancing, and so I thought I knew what it was like. I had a typically Southern California bias against country music, "just because." But then my sister somehow started liking country music and on long car drives together, I finally spent some time listening to it.

She moved to Nigeria, where she could no longer hear country radio, and mourned the loss. I decided to make her a custom-made c.d. of country songs I thought she'd like. This meant I had to listen to country radio, to find good songs. I was surprised at how many I liked!!

I tended to only listen to radio while driving (this was when I lived in Virginia still) and there were many times I'd scramble for paper and pen at a red light to jot down what I thought was probably the title of a song I'd just heard. I'd later go online, search for the lyrics, and eventually pay to download the song. Certainly there were many I didn't care for, but I found over 20 that I loved!

Now I've had a bit of a gap in my own country listening, as England doesn't have a great selection of that style. I was introduced to jango.com last week, though, and I've set up my own custom-made online radio stations, one of which is country western. The other night I discovered some new songs that I really like. The lyrics are awesome!

Tell Her, by Lonestar

So you say your love`s about to end
Say you can`t take no more
She`s out the door
And you`re lookin` for a friend
Who am I to tell you why
I`m just curious: were you furious
Or did you swallow your pride
And look her in the eye

And tell her that you love her
Tell her that you need her
Tell her that you want her to stay
Reassure her with a kiss
She may never know
Unless you show her what you`re feelin`
Tell her you`re believin`
Even though it`s hard to say
`Cause she needs to know you`re thinkin` of her
So open up and tell her that you love her

Brother I`ve been right where you are now
My heart was broke
`Cause I never spoke
Those healin' words out loud
But I`ve learned my lesson well
And now every night before I close my eyes
I look at my woman and I ask myself
Did you...

tell her that you love her
Tell her that you need her
Tell her that you want her to stay
Reassure her with a kiss
She may never know
Unless you show her what you`re feelin`
Tell her you`re believin`
Even though it`s hard to say
`Cause she needs to know you`re thinkin` of her
So open up and tell her that you love her


Tough, words by Monty Criswell/Joe Leathers
sung by Craig Morgan

She’s in the kitchen at the crack of dawn
Bacon’s on, coffee’s strong
Kids running wild, taking off their clothes
If she’s a nervous wreck, well it never shows
Takes one to football and one to dance
Hits the Y for aerobics class
Drops by the bank, stops at the store
Has on a smile when I walk through the door
The last to go to bed, she’ll be the first one up
And I thought I was tough

Chorus
She’s strong, pushes on, can’t slow her down
She can take anything life dishes out
There was a time
Back before she was mine
When I thought I was tough

We sat there five years ago
The doctors let us know, the test showed
She’d have to fight to live, I broke down and cried
She held me and said it’s gonna be alright
She wore that wig to church
Pink ribbon pinned there on her shirt
No room for fear, full of faith
Hands held high singing Amazing Grace
Never once complained, refusing to give up
And I thought I was tough

Chorus
She’s strong, pushes on, can’t slow her down
She can take anything life dishes out
There was a time
Back before she was mine
When I thought I was tough

She’s a gentle word, the sweetest kiss
A velvet touch against my skin
I’ve seen her cry, I’ve seen her break
But in my eyes, she’ll always be strong

There was a time
Back before she was mine
When I thought I was tough