Monday, October 22, 2007

When Will I Fit In?

I’m tired of being new. Steve and I went to a newly-formed small group with three other couples at our church yesterday, and it felt so strange. I like all six of them a lot. I would love to get to know them better. I think I would learn a lot from them. But it just hit me that they’ve all known each other for six years, and we’re the newcomers.

The same thing happened when we were first married. We joined a group that had already been meeting for a year, and never quite felt like we fit. In Scotland, we made friends, but didn’t find a small group to be part of. I went to a group meeting once and people had a hard time giving prayer requests because I was there (and I was “new”).

I don’t know if I’ll ever have what I’m looking for, in terms of a small community in which I’m known deeply, cared for, prayed for and held accountable (and where I can do the same for the others). Maybe I need to find others who are new to my church. I don’t know.

Most of the time I feel tired of feeling this way, tired of making an effort, and either want to abandon church or rely on my distant friends instead of trying to make new ones. I know I shouldn’t give up, but it sure would be nice to stop caring!


ErinOrtlund said...

I often think about these friendship issues. My theory is that ideally, you spend your teenage and young adult years building deep friendships so that when you are a harried mom without much time, you can draw on those friendships. Only this doesn't work as well for those of us who are so mobile! We can't draw on these long-standing and deeper friendships on a daily basis, because like you said, those folks are distant. We just have to do the best we can--I find I connect best with other people who have moved around too. I'm happy to count you as a friend Lisa!

Charity said...

I've finally been living in the same place for nearly 8 years, attending church with the same gropu of people. And you know what, after all this time, I acutally have what you are talking about. Sometimes you get lucky. You move into a group that is really open, and willing to fold you into their existing traditions. They whisper, oh that's so and so, she always does it like this.

I hope that someone will do this for you, pull you into this group.

Anonymous said...

I feel for you. When Mom and Dad leave, I'm going to have no one to talk to, no one to spend time with or share with at all. I guess it is just part of the life of a mobile Christian--here today, gone tomorrow. A constant reminder that this is not our home. But somehow that doesn't make it any easier, does it?