Thursday, August 16, 2007

Depression Again – August 13, 2007

I feel like a failure in every way. I don’t know how normal, happy people do it. I’m tired of my messy tendencies and my inability to keep house well. Tired of feeling disorganized and unscheduled.

I feel like a failure with my kids – when Naomi is so insolent, or I have to call Josiah three times before he comes, I just wonder why I ever thought I could parent. And how ridiculous to think I can home-school!!!

I’m a discouraging, nagging wife to Steve, and a non-existent neighbor and witness. I’ve lived here for 9 months and don’t even have friends yet. And I don’t manage to stay in touch with good friends who live far away. Worst of all, I find it so hard to pray and read my Bible.

I don’t know why doctors think that antidepressants and counseling would make an improvement for me. I don’t think anything can help.

3 comments:

Mike Blyth said...

I think it's something we just have to struggle with in our family, and it's got to be partly biological. Raising kids is often not easy, and even if somehow a child were parented perfectly, she would still have flaws and bad days, and maybe even severe problems. Remember the times people have told you how they appreciated your kids' behavior, to balance the times when you're pulling your hair out.

Love you and praying for you , ...

Lori said...

I'm so sorry you're feeling depressed Lisa. For what it's worth, I think you're a great parent and a wonderful person. You've really inspired me, believe it or not, in my role as a mother. We're going through defiant times with Rowan too, so know that you are not alone in your frustrations. I wish we could be closer to you. Remember we all love you!

Saralynn said...

I LOVE YOU, SISTER! You are the absolutely BEST sister to me that i could ever hope for, and I'm SO glad we finally became friends. I miss you atrociously!!