Monday, April 14, 2014

Spiritual Warfare in Africa (or How Not to Give a Missionary Talk)


Naomi's face still tear-stained from enduring the pain of a smashed finger just 30 minutes earlier, and my boys still hungry from having eaten a rushed and small supper, we dashed to the church around the corner from our house tonight for the scheduled missionary talk. We had spent our first 2 1/2 years in the D.C. area either without a church or far enough away from our church that I'd never taken the kids to a missionary talk before. But we've been attending this local church for the past 2 months, and so I thought, "Now's our chance to hear from someone ministering in Africa. What a great opportunity for the kids!"

To be honest, my children didn't want to go. They didn't know what to expect but they had presuppositions. They predicted they would be the only kids there, and that it would be 'boring.' I reminded them not to pass judgement before having actual experiences, and I assured them we could leave early if it wasn't worthwhile. I didn't know anything about the missionary doing the presentation. In fact the church bulletin had only said that he lived and worked "in Africa" (pet peeve to someone who's also lived in Africa, knowing how massive a continent that is, and preferring to tell people I lived in Nigeria).

On the positive side, this missionary did tell story after story of spiritual warfare and God's miraculous works. In my mind, 'boring' would be the least descriptive word for tonight, since I love stories and the ones being told were unlike any I'd heard before. I learned about places like the Democratic Republic of the Congo and Zambia, through first-hand accounts, and I left feeling both educated and inspired.

However, there were some gaping holes in tonight's presentation as well, the biggest of which was that there was no actual introduction or explanation of this fellow and what he does. It was continuously assumed that the church members present already had a relationship with him and a background enabling them to understand all he said. I'm glad the church has such a strong tie with Missionary, but the minute I walked into the small room, especially with three children in tow, I guess I would have hoped he'd want to give at least some context for those of us who don't know him and his work.

Along the same vein, the presentation was sadly lacking in visual aids. There was no map. No photos. No graphics and nothing tangible. Which is okay if everyone knows exactly where DRC is and has vivid imaginations or has read all of Missionary's photo-enriched prayer letters. But wouldn't any talk and every talk, no matter who the audience, be more interesting and memorable with at least a few visual reminders of the topic? Goodness, I know my African geography better than most Americans (not to brag, but it helps that I've lived there), and even I would have appreciated a map so I could compare distances when he was talking about his various travels from country to country.

And finally, the saddest of all to me: my children (the only ones there) were implied to be a hindrance, rather than amazingly open recipients of inspiration. My three can be noisy, no doubt, but tonight, they were as quiet as can be. They were attentive and receptive, and Missionary totally lost out on an opportunity to touch such open hearts. Instead, he and his colleague -- not once, but multiple times -- pointed out to everyone there what "age group" was present, and how this would alter what they could say and what stories they could tell. Mentioning it once, in a tone that showed respect for my kids' naivete would have made sense. I can appreciate that they would say "relations" instead of "sex" because of young ears in the room. (Though funny enough, I'm one of the most upfront and honest-with-my-children sort of parent out there, so they've heard "sex" plenty before -- gasp!) But it wasn't just once, and after the first time, it was said more in a tone of exasperation. Additionally, between the lightning speed of countless disconnected stories and Missionary's sometimes-hard-to-figure-out foreign accent, my children (even my oldest) couldn't keep up and understand what was being talked about.

I have been part of many missionary talks before -- both as a listener and a presenter -- and all I know is that if I saw strangers and children in my audience, first of all, I'd be ecstatic that they'd even have taken the time and interest to come. I would think "Wow! I can bring more people on board with God's amazing work in ______!" And second of all, I'd figure out some way, even a small way, that I could tailor my talk to reach the children and give them something memorable to go home with. And I would hope that thirdly, I'd even make a point of encouraging parents by praising their efforts to broaden their children's minds at such an early age. I certainly wouldn't make them feel bad for changing the level of 'horror' I could tell in my stories because of young ears.

I won't give up on going to missionary talks with my kids. But I certainly hope their next experience is a much more positive one!




Sunday, March 30, 2014

Time Away

Tears streamed down my cheeks and my heart ached with the beauty. Sitting in Pierce Chapel, I basked in music washing over me, as ensembles of the Wheaton College Symphony Orchestra rehearsed for their upcoming concert. Brass ensemble, strings ensemble, woodwinds too, playing music by Sibelius, Stamitz, Warlock, and more. It had been so long since I'd heard musicians of that caliber. Their high quality took my breath away. It had also been ages since I'd sat quietly listening to music of that intricacy and beauty. The movement, the dynamics, the dissonance, the progressions ... all of it brought solace to my soul.

How can I describe what my week away meant to me? I cried more tears than I thought were in me. I walked for hours, talked for hours, and ate delicious food prepared for me by friends who love me. For eight wonderful days I didn't have to think about how to feed my family, or listen to my obnoxiously noisy boys. I was able to visit with eleven dear friends, bearing my soul to them and receiving their encouragement and hugs. It had been a long time since I'd spent time like that with close friends, and in fact it was the first time in years to be with those friends *without* my kids in tow. 

A few weeks earlier, a local friend in D.C. had heard my cries for help, as I felt mired in crisis, and recommended that I get away by myself. She had offered to help watch my children for me and given me a deadline to take the trip. Thankfully my husband agreed it was a good plan, and a second friend as well as my in-laws stepped in to fill in any missing gaps when my kids needed care. I was able to leave my three in good hands and trust that all was fine with them. They even got school work done!!

My time in Illinois gave me the quiet and rest I needed for prayer and contemplation. It also gave me time outside to refresh my body and blessings like the symphony orchestra to refresh my spirit. Conversations with friends gave me new perspective and validated my struggles. I didn't come back with any bursting epiphanies, but I did come back more calm, peace-filled, and ready to face my next stage in life. My eight days away were a blessing in more ways than I can count, and I thank the Lord for giving them to me.

Thanks to http://willowandbee.com/2012/12/01/kline-creek-farm/ for the photo of a spot where I walked during my trip.

Sunday, March 9, 2014

Free (or Almost Free) Fun in Washington, D.C.: Ice-Skating!

Every Tuesday, from 2:20-3:20, ice-skating costs only $1 at the Kettler Capitals Iceplex in Ballston Common Mall. Since parking in the garage also only costs $1, we pay exactly $5 for the four of us to go skating once a week! This opportunity to skate regularly has been really beneficial for the children. Before January, they had skated only once before, and that had been over three years ago!

Josiah seemed to have a natural sense of balance. Even on his first day of skating, he let go of the side wall, and has steadily gained confidence ever since. The other two kids have had more difficulty, and at times I've even wondered if I should stop taking them. There have been tears shed and frustrated words flung. "I don't WANT to go ice-skating!" has been heard more than once.

When it comes to a new Tuesday, though, the consensus is always that we should try again. And it's paying off. After going 4 or 5 times, Naomi and Ethan were finally able to leave the wall, and now are trying to improve technique. It's still a big effort (not quite *fun* yet) but I'm so proud of their perseverance and determination. My hope is that one of these days, we'll all be going at a decent speed, with smiles on our faces, and no spills!

Tuesday, November 5, 2013

30 Days of Thanksgiving -- all in one go!

Some people are skeptical of being thankful just in November, but I think it's helpful and valuable to write down even 30 blessings as a prayer of thankfulness to God and a reminder to myself of his gracious gifts. May my heart be encouraged by these blessings everyday...

1- a God who is bigger and more loving than I can ever imagine
2- a family who loves me, extended and immediate
3- good health that I've enjoyed for a lifetime -- I do not take it for granted!
4- my 5 senses, with which I greatly enjoy the world and people around me
5- music "God gave us music, that we might pray without words"
6- color -- the world is so vibrant!
7- diversity -- so thankful the world is not all the same!
8- ethnic food (related to #7) My tongue delights in Ethiopian, Chinese, Italian, Nigerian, Peruvian, etc.
9- laughter
10- my heritage, both good and bad, that impacts who I am
11- that I'm not bound to my heritage, but have a new future lying before me
12- old friends who have stuck by me for years on end
13- new friends who have been willing to get to know me quickly, for whatever short time they have with me
14- books: fiction and non-fiction, children's and adult, beautifully illustrated and interestingly worded
15- movement -- frisbee and long walks, wave-jumping and dancing -- thankful that my body works
16- forgiveness
17- my childhood home of California, its beauty and people and all the memories it holds
18- the years I've had to live in so many diverse homes: Nigeria, Scotland, Illinois, England, Virginia, Jordan, D.C.
19- games, especially fast ones, rowdy ones or get-to-know-each-other ones
20- nature, and all its incredible splendor and minute intricacies
21- animals -- learning about them will never cease to amaze me
22- fast travel - when family's as spread out as it is, fast highways and airplanes become so valuable!
23- communication gizmos, that allow me to keep up with family & friends in far-flung countries and states
24- quiet
25- sleep, though I don't get enough of it. At least when I do sleep, it's restful and rejuvenating
25- provision -- through many ups and downs, we've never been on the street or in serious debt
26- my husband, who has not given up on me even though if I were he, *I* would have given up on me!!
27- my children, who daily forgive, love, annoy and delight me, unspeakable treasures I have on loan!
28- memories
29- my brain - this sounds funny, but I'm so thankful I can think and process and learn.
30- Jesus, who died for me & conquered death, who loves the 'least of these' & whose Spirit never leaves me

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Just Keep Breathing

"How many times have you heard me cry out, 'God, please take this'?
How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?
Oh I need you.
God I need you now." (Plumb)

The past 7 years have been the loneliest of my life (except for a brief respite in 2009-10), and there have been many moments when I felt like all I could do was cry out to God and hope to "just keep breathing." How many years can one sustain such a basic hope, though? "Just breathing" is not how life is meant to be lived. I feel like I've reached the end of what I can handle.

I'm not intentionally isolating myself or my family, though home-schooling naturally keeps us more insulated than most. I'm part of an informal 'support group' and a more formal 'co-op,' but no relationships have developed from either of those. I'd hoped that neighbors would be a natural source of friendship, but even 5 months after living in our new home, I hardly know any names. And the worst thing is that we are back to having no church home.

We lived our first 8 months in Washington, D.C. with no church and that was truly the loneliest I've been in 7 years. To be brand new in a huge place and have no neighbor friends and no church friends is almost unbearable. We finally did settle on a church and attended it for 12 months, but as of July 1, we've been looking for a new church.

Most of the time, this loneliness has settled in the pit of my stomach, in the depth of my brain, crouching like a hidden dragon. I've ignored it, on the surface pretending that I'm hardy, that I don't need close friends. My husband has tried to encourage me, reminding me of all the good friends I "still have" from my past. These are friends who were close at one time, but they don't call or visit or write. I don't know how that's supposed to encourage me: absent friends aren't the friends I need right now.

The other day, though, I received a phone call from someone I'd known at Wheaton College, been in touch with over the years, and had re-connected with since moving to D.C. This person needed to talk about a heart-breaking situation they're in the middle of, and I listened and chatted for over 2 hours. It happened on a day when I was hard-hit with a bad cold and was desperate for a nap, and my husband later asked, "Why on earth did you talk so long instead of just saying you needed to sleep?"

It hit me hard: I could count on one hand the number of talks I've had with friends in the past couple months, and my heart *needed* that conversation. Even though I was mostly listening (and I still have a heart full of burdens I'd love to share with someone else who can listen to me), I was still interacting with another adult who was actually appreciative of my presence. Such a rare occurrence these days...

I don't know how much longer I can 'just keep breathing.' I know I have my kids who depend on me right now. But I also need to be a friend. I need to talk to friends. And my kids need the same. They are almost as lonely as I am. Without friends, this life seems so purposeless and I don't know how to keep going...

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Depression and Home-schooling

I've been thinking a lot about home-schooling lately ... about why I've chosen it for our family, about why I'd consider stopping, about what I like and what I don't like. I've also been reading some wonderful homeschooling blogs like Small World and Simple Homeschool, which have encouraged me and helped me want to continue on this journey.

I've come to a recent epiphany, though. As I've read about the need to prepare our children for 'real life' and the ways in which home-schooling can do such a better job with that than regular schooling, it's occurred to me that I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I'm letting my children down by home-schooling them because I feel like I don't know 'how to do real life.' I fail miserably at keeping a tidy and peaceful house. I fail moderately at cooking healthy, delicious meals. I don't have great ambitions or career goals. I struggle with depression and motivation and relationships. So if I'm supposed to be preparing these children of mine for a fulfilled life ahead, I'm not sure how on earth I'll accomplish that. 

If I can surrender myself fully to God's love (as I hope to) and see transformation take place in my spirit and life (as I pray to), then perhaps I'll have something worth teaching my children. They can look back with me on these dark days where everything seems murky and meaningless, and know that it's possible to come out on the other side. They can hopefully learn that true 'success' is only by God's grace and strength. But that's a lot of 'ifs' and in the mean time, we're slogging away with math and history in the midst of untidy chaos, less-than-stellar meals, and up-and-down mood swings.

I hope I'm not doing more harm than good. And I pray that God redeems this confusion and depression, enabling the kids and me to grow in love and peace.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Recent Prayers

Recently, I've been thanking God...
  • for my new niece Alethea
  • for my parents' adoption of Luke, after many years of trying!
  • for all I'm learning by home-schooling my children
  • for 13 years of marriage
  • for friends and family I got to see in California, Illinois, Michigan and Wisconsin in November and December
  • for a new mini-van, which feels so luxurious, but will hopefully last quite a while and be big enough to fit all the kids even as they become teens
I've also been praying...
  • for the Syrian refugees, living in tents through one of the coldest and wettest winters in the Middle East in 20+ years
  • for my parents' next step, as they prepare to leave SIM and Nigeria, and look for work in the U.S.
  • for friends and family who are struggling with illness and death
  • for the patience and diligence to develop new friendships
  • for wisdom in knowing what God really wants of me right now
  • for the provision of a new home, at just the right time, so that Ethan can get the speech therapy he needs through a different school district